Alcohol and Arguments

Traditionally Christmas sees the most unusual forms of alcoholic beverage coming out of the drinks cabinet. Tell me, what other time of year do we drink egg-nog? Spirits manufacturers happily fill our shelves with the strangest of coloured drinks, some mixers that are fun and some that are just plain awful!

If you are having a lot of family around for Christmas you may find yourself buying alcohol that normally is never in your house. Grandparents and other relatives may like gin where you are strictly a whisky person.? How you tackle this depends on your family, but I would suggest buying the smallest quantities decently possible of the strange and unusual drinks!

The major problem over Christmas is not WHAT is being drunk, more HOW MUCH? Ask any police officer called to a domestic argument and they will tell you that nine times out of ten one or both of the couple have been drinking. So why do we drink so much at Christmas and why are alcohol and arguments such constant partners?

Alcohol depresses and at the same time removes inhibitions. There is a Latin saying, ?In vino veritas?, meaning, in wine, truth. We do tend to say things when under the influence of alcohol that we secretly feel and believe but have not had the courage to say sober. Unfortunately our nearest and dearest are not necessarily too keen to hear these truths.? More worryingly, we may express our deepest and darkest feelings when drunk without the clarity of thought needed to temper these statements. So, what we say may not be the actual truth, more a thought that has occurred spontaneously, but once uttered, the damage is done.

What is more alarming is the level of violence that alcohol can trigger in some people. Normally mild men can become aggressive and physical when drunk.? Psychologists would argue that these men have been suppressing these feelings for some time and the alcohol has simply triggered these dormant and bottled up emotions.? It is not only men who become violent.? Women are traditionally taught that expressing anger is somehow un-ladylike and so the pent up frustrations boil over into physical aggression fueled by one too many glasses of wine.

There is only one way to avoid Christmas alcohol arguments and that is to remain sober and watch what everyone is drinking. This is clearly not an enjoyable task as you are likely to be seen as a party pooper but it may be possible if some rules are laid down beforehand.

Rules to help avoid alcohol and arguments

Within all families there is almost always someone who cannot handle their alcohol! This person needs talking to before the Christmas celebrations and a frank discussion about alcohol limits is necessary.? I know that for some families, discussing alcohol is a taboo subject; the alcoholic is embarrassing but ignored.

OK, I am going to declare a personal bias here, in the interests of honesty. My ex husband and most of his family were heavy drinkers and I endured many family affairs in absolute torture as they became argumentative and aggressive. It came to a head for me once my children were old enough to notice that daddy kept falling over and was being rude to mummy.

My worst memories of Christmas and New Year are related to alcohol and arguments, broken glasses and furniture and miserably cleaning up the mess the next day.

Relationships can be destroyed by alcohol and you don?t have to be an alcoholic or married to one for this to happen. What is said when drunk cannot be taken back.? It can be explained and maybe forgiven once the alcohol has worn off but the hurt has been inflicted.

Reducing the impact of alcohol on Christmas

• Alternate alcohol with soft drinks, fruit juice and cups of coffee and tea
• Do not start drinking too early. Too much alcohol before the meal makes for a quarrelsome table and in some cases may result in guests falling asleep before the meal is even started!
• Put the alcohol out of reach, especially the hard spirits. Be a good host/hostess but control the distribution of the alcohol and keep offering non alcoholic beverages at regular intervals. If you are pouring the wine, you can ensure it is not being drunk like water! Do not get out the large glasses, they are too easy to fill up and the person drinking does not realise they are drinking twice as much as usual.
• There is a balance to be achieved between being a generous host and allowing your guests to get totally trashed!
• Try not to mix types of drink within a two hour period. Your guests and family are more likely to be sick if they are mixing wine, spirits and strange Christmas cocktails, and guess who has to clean it up?
• If you do make a Christmas punch, you can make it less alcoholic by adding flavored spring water and lots of ice. Just watch out for the joker who likes to add their own bottle of vodka to your punch bowl.

I am not advocating a totally sober Christmas, a little alcohol can get people relaxed and they can be entertaining. It is simply that at this high pressure time of year too much booze can turn a family occasion into a slanging match!

The other trick is to make sure that some alcohol absorbing snacks are available if people are drinking before the meal. Avoid salted snacks this will make them drink more! Stick to cheese and biscuits; mini quiches; even bread rolls or pate on toast. Carbohydrates absorb alcohol better than most foods and you want to keep the food reasonably plain so you don?t upset any stomachs. For that reason, much as I love it, I tend to avoid seafood at Christmas.

What to do if arguments break out

If, despite your best efforts your relatives, your partner or a guest gets drunk and starts to become argumentative, then swift action is needed.

You have to remove the alcohol from the person affected! Easier said than done, but enlist help. This is not the time to be coy about it. Ask a sober relative for help, yes that means saying it aloud, ?my husband/wife has had too much to drink?? Put on the coffee, get them a glass of water, make them eat some toast?you have to try and soak up the booze. Take them outside and make them walk it off, yes that may be a bit mean if it is raining but it is effective!

You have to act as soon as the person drinking starts getting argumentative. Do NOT ignore their behavior, it won?t get better until they have sobered up. Alternatively you may be able to persuade them to sleep it off in the guest bedroom, upstairs, away from everyone else. The worst thing you cn do in this situation is shout at them and get?involved?in their argument. Keep your voice low and soft and reasonable. Do not criticize, that makes them worse and you risk fueling their anger.

A Merry Christmas should be just that, merry, not angry and drunken! More importantly, however stressed you may be feeling about your relationship and Christmas in general; do not be the one who gets drunk! If you are feeling fragile, alcohol will not help. Avoiding alcohol and arguments at Christmas is possible and, if you achieve this, ?it will make this time of year a lot more enjoyable for the whole family.

Source: http://surviveinfidelityhq.com/alcohol-and-arguments/

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