July 31st, 2012
Are marriages that are planned by social media less romantic? Less spark?
All that planning for something that should come naturally like falling in love. I?d like to think that love comes as naturally as breathing. That you meet someone and get all silly about them. That you lose your mind. That you can?t breathe when you think about them. But, that doesn?t work for your match.com,
As the New York Times article on online dating points out, there are
aspects of relationships that emerge only after two people meet and get to know each other ? things like communication patterns, problem-solving tendencies and sexual compatibility ? are crucial for predicting the success or failure of relationships. For example, study after study has shown that the way that couples discuss and attempt to resolve disagreements predicts their future satisfaction and whether or not the relationship is likely to dissolve.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/12/opinion/sunday/online-dating-sites-dont-match-hype.html
I?m not saying online dating never works. At this time, 21-30% of Americans use this as a means of finding their next spouse, so it?s working for someone, but I?m not sure it works any better than hiking a lot and meeting another hike, going to church to meet another church goer, or even going to the dog park to find other dog lovers.
(Only 16.3 % or 50 million Americans have no health insurance. About 15% of the country, 45 million Americans get food stamps, (Texas has over 4 million.) And 42% of Americans have smoked weed.)
Which leads me to wonder if the online dating services link up weed smokers. Or food stamp users. Or people without health insurance with someone who has health insurance?that would be helpful and might solve some of our country?s health care problems.
Online dating has worked for my kids? dad but for my friend J, it didn?t work. She married someone who turned out to not be what she expected. They had personality problems. He wanted to be worshipped. She didn?t own a pair of knee pads. He wanted to be lord of the manor, she couldn?t summon herself to serfdom. But in the beginning, he treated her like a princess. And then life got in the way.
If I were single, I don?t think I would try online dating. I?m a writer and I think that I could write stuff about myself that would make me seem splendid and I wouldn?t want to be a disappointment later. Not that I?m not splendid, of course, the Kate is ineffable. But still. Words on the page are far different than living with a person. I could even present myself in a very efficient manner on any number of dates. I polish up. I clean up my language. I code shift. But then the slide toward reality would begin.
I?m glad to be married. Twelve years. A long time. Mostly good. And it happened by chance. No planning. Random. And I like random. I like working really hard and throwing myself into life and then the universe turns up something amazing and scary beautiful and you turn a corner. Now if I could just turn a corner and wake up editing and writing with the Nebraska teaching gig and the speaking engagement and that?s all. I?m ready to be surprised.
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Source: http://kategale.wordpress.com/2012/07/31/does-online-dating-work/
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